Page contents:

  • The Purpose of the College Application Essay

  • Sample Essay Questions

  • Dos and Don’ts of College Essay Content

  • The Do's and Don'ts of College Essay Writing Style

  • Top 10 Essay Clichés

  • Sample Essays

 

 

 

 

The Purpose of the College Application Essay

Ninth grade, the night of the big dance: "Just be yourself" my mom says, sweeping the hair back from my face, "and stand up straight." Mixed message? Maybe, but most social exchanges require a balance between sincerity and goodwill on the one hand and finesse on the other. College application essays, or personal statements, are to a large extent social exchanges and require the same balance. Unless you get a chance to personally exhibit your talents -- through your portfolio or at an athletic event, an audition, or an interview with a member of an admission committee -- the essay is the closest you'll come to introducing yourself to the people who will decide whether or not you'll be accepted, so you want to make a good impression. As Scott Doughty, assistant director of admission at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, says, "The essay is really the one opportunity you get to talk about who you are."

 

With that in mind, let's meet your audience. Faced with piles of paperwork, difficult choices, and a looming deadline, the people who screen your applications work long hours throughout the winter months. It's in these months between the application deadline and the day acceptance letters are mailed that, as Matthew Swanson puts it, "you really pay your dues as an admissions officer." Swanson, an assistant director of admission at Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts, describes twelve-hour days of reading applications. "I'll spend a good amount of my life, when I'm not sleeping, either thinking about or involved in that process." By the time it's all over, he will have reviewed more than a thousand applications. At Carnegie Mellon, fourteen staff members process fifteen thousand applications and participate in weeks of "midnight madness," working from half past seven in the morning until midnight.

 

Purpose of the Essay

With so many applications to review, why do colleges add to the burden by requiring a personal statement? After all, they have plenty of other factors to consider, including grades, recommendations, and test scores. You might be surprised, however, to know just how important the essay can be. Swanson sees it as an "anchor" for the whole application and considers it to be especially useful for highly selective colleges like Williams. "We do a lot of looking at numbers … but among the many, many students who are academically qualified, of which there are far more than we have spaces for, the essay can be a real touchstone for someone in my position." In other words, if you're on the line between acceptance and rejection, the essay can be the deciding factor. Doughty at Carnegie Mellon concurs. He feels that a strong essay, one in which it's clear that the student has a sincere desire to attend Carnegie Mellon, is a big help when the student's application is borderline. He adds that many applicants don't even make the effort to proofread their essays carefully and, relying solely on the computer's spell checker, end up spelling the school's name like a certain summer fruit.

 

Showcase Your Writing Skills

Personal statements are a great opportunity to demonstrate your ability to write well. In addition to the basics -- accurate spelling, consistent use of tense, subject-verb agreement, and other mechanics issues -- your readers will be looking for higher-level composition skills. Whether you're applying to an art school like the San Francisco Art Institute, a small liberal-arts school like Mills College, or a university like Carnegie Mellon, the ease and clarity with which you express yourself in writing counts. Joan Jaffe, associate dean of admission at Mills College in Oakland, California, reads essays for good sentence structure, coherent paragraphs, and logical arguments. "We really want to get a sense of the student's writing ability," she says.

 

Create a Self-Portrait

Think of the personal statement as a self-portrait or a clip from the movie of your life. This is true even at art schools, where admission decisions are often based largely on student portfolios and where admission officers learn a lot about applicants through their work. Mark Takiguchi, director of admissions at the San Francisco Art Institute, told MyRoad that his team looks at the essay as an "extension of the portfolio; together the portfolio and the essay form a picture of who the person is."

 

The essay is probably your best chance to come alive to the admission committee. Doughty discusses its role in relation to the rest of the application: "The essay's the one thing that's different; everyone's taken the same AP tests, the same classes … Recommendations always say, 'Hey, good kid, nice to have in class.'" Sometimes students feel pressured to mention all of their activities and accomplishments in an essay, but Swanson warns against this. As he points out, other parts of the application, such as the activity chart where you list your extracurricular activities, serve that purpose. Remember that one of your goals is to introduce yourself to the reader and hopefully form a connection. Essays that try to cover too many topics leave little room for you to develop your main idea, sacrificing depth for breadth, and leave the admission committee feeling like they don't really know you.

 

Sample Essay Questions

Describe what you would consider to be the perfect adventure. (Hollins College)
 
What do you value most in a relationship? Describe the person you feel closest to and why your relationship is so strong. (Austin College)
 
If you could declare a new holiday, what would you celebrate/commemorate? Why? How would it be observed? (University of Puget Sound)
 
You have just completed your three-hundred-page autobiography. Please submit page 217. (University of Pennsylvania)
 
Please complete a one-page personal statement and submit it with your application. (James Madison University)
How would you describe yourself as a human being? What quality do you like best in yourself and what do you like least? What quality would you most like to see flourish and which would you like to see wither? (Bates College)
To learn to think is to learn to question. Discuss a matter you once you knew ‘for sure’ that you have since learned to question. (Bryn Mawr College)
Discuss the most challenging obstacle that you have had to overcome; discuss its impact and what you have learned form the experience. (Guiford College)
Do you believe there's a generation gap? Describe the differences between your generation and others. (Denison University)
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. (Common Application)
Please tell us about your career goals and any plans you may have for graduate study." (Westfield State College)
 

Dos and Don’ts of College Essay Content

 

DO write an essay that only you could honestly write. If it's possible that the reader will read anything similar from any other applicant, go back to the drawing board.

DO convey a positive message overall. Cynicism will not score points with the admission committee.

DO strive for depth, not breadth. Focus on one event or idea rather than trying to cover an entire subject. Think personal and anecdotal.

DO reject your first idea or angle. It's probably been used a million times.

DO be interesting; but more important, be yourself. Convey your true and genuine thoughts and feelings; don't try to portray yourself as someone with interests, values, and opinions that aren't really yours.

DO write about what you know and have observed or experienced firsthand, not about things that are beyond your personal development as a teenager. Book knowledge or other secondhand information does not convey to the reader any sense of who you are.

DO write about something you feel strongly about. If you write on a topic about which you have little interest or knowledge, your lack of sincerity and enthusiasm will show.

DO write about other people as well as about yourself. We are defined as individuals largely in terms of our experiences with others, and acknowledging this through your essay will help ensure that you don't appear overly self-centered.

DO be experiential, but avoid too much imagery. Relate to the reader the full scope of an experience—sights, sounds, and perhaps even smells. Be careful, however, not to overuse imagery; otherwise, the result may be a forced, unnatural style that gives the reader the impression that you are trying too hard to be creative.

DON'T let others—especially your parents—decide for you what to write. Feel free to brainstorm with others for ideas, but don't ask: "What should I write about?"

DON'T try to sell yourself or prove anything by convincing the reader how great you are, how smart you are, or how accomplished you are. Your definitive theories and brilliant solutions to global problems will not impress the reader. Admit it: you have many more questions than answers at this point in your life. Use your essay as an opportunity to wonder about life, to pose thoughtful questions, and to probe and investigate, not to tell the reader "the way it is."

DON'T try to write an important or scholarly essay. A well-researched essay that shows off your knowledge of a particular academic subject tells the reader nothing about you. The reader will only suspect that your essay is actually a recycled term paper.

DON'T try to guess what the admission committee wants you to write. This approach will result in a "safe" essay that will fall flat.

DON'T rehash what the reader already knows about you. Don't reiterate accomplishments or activities that are already mentioned elsewhere in your application.

DON'T appear overly idealistic. World peace and a clean environment are worthy ideals, but avoid coming across as "preachy" or fanatic. There are always at least two sides to every controversial issue, so recognize the merits of all sides. Otherwise, you might sound a bit naive.

DON'T waste your essay opportunity to explain blemishes or deficiencies in your application. A low grade, a low SAT score, or an absence of extracurricular activities is not a worthy subject for discussion in your essay. If you must defend a blemish in your record, contact the school and ask (anonymously) if you can attach a separate (and brief) explanation as an "addendum" to your application. As an alternative, ask your college counselor to clarify these points in his or her recommendation letter.

DON'T write anything that might embarrass the reader or make him or her feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with discussing sensitive topics such as substance abuse, sexuality, spirituality, religious beliefs, and political views. Just be sure to treat the subject gingerly, avoid generalizations, and use a respectful tone. Otherwise, you may put off or even offend the reader.

DON'T write an essay that reads like a newspaper editorial. The schools welcome your opinions, but don't get on a soap box and appear overly critical of other viewpoints.

DON'T even think about mentioning popular television shows, movies, musicians, or actors, regardless of how significant they are to you; and please don't mention any Dr. Suess book. (The wastebaskets in admission offices fill to the brim every fall with Dr. Suess essays.)

 

The Do's and Don'ts of College Essay Writing Style

The Do's

  1. Unite your essay and give it direction with a theme or thesis. The thesis is the main point you want to communicate.

  2. Before you begin writing, choose what you want to discuss and the order in which you want to discuss it.

  3. Use concrete examples from your life experience to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from other applicants.

  4. Write about what interests you, excites you. That's what the admissions staff wants to read.

  5. Start your essay with an attention-grabbing lead--an anecdote, quote, question, or engaging description of a scene.

  6. End your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the lead and restates your thesis.

  7. Revise your essay at least three times.

  8. In addition to your editing, ask someone else to critique your essay for you.

  9. Proofread your essay by reading it out loud or reading it into a tape recorder and playing back the tape.

  10. Write clearly, succinctly.

The Don'ts

  1. Don't include information that doesn't support your thesis.
  2. Don't start your essay with "I was born in...," or "My parents came from..."
  3. Don't write an autobiography, itinerary, or résumé in prose.
  4. Don't try to be a clown (but gentle humor is OK).
  5. Don't be afraid to start over if the essay just isn't working or doesn't answer the essay question.
  6. Don't try to impress your reader with your vocabulary.
  7. Don't rely exclusively on your computer to check your spelling.
  8. Don't provide a collection of generic statements and platitudes.
  9. Don't give mealy-mouthed, weak excuses for your GPA or SAT scores.
  10. Don't make things up. 

 

Top 10 Essay Clichés

According to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, a cliché is “a trite phrase or expression,” “a hackneyed theme, characterization, or situation,” or “something that has become overly familiar or commonplace.” The last thing you want in your essay is any of the above. Clichés make your writing appear lazy, your ideas ordinary, and your experiences typical. Arm yourself with the list below and eradicate these and other clichés from your writing.

1. I always learn from my mistakes

2. I know my dreams will come true

3. I can make a difference

4. _________ is my passion

5. I no longer take my loved ones for granted

6. These lessons are useful both on and off the field (or other sporting arena)

7. I realized the value of hard work and perseverance

8. _________ was the greatest lesson of all

9. I know what it is to triumph over adversity

10. _________ opened my eyes to a whole new world

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sample Essays

Princeton, Athlete (football) :

I have learned a great many things from participating in varsity football. It has changed my entire outlook on and attitude toward life. Before my freshman year at [high-school], I was shy, had low self-esteem and turned away from seemingly impossible challenges. Football has altered all of these qualities. On the first day of freshman practice, the team warmed up with a game of touch football. The players were split up and the game began. However, during the game, I noticed that I didn’ t run as hard as I could, nor did I try to evade my defender and get open. The fact of the matter is that I really did not want to be thrown the ball. I didn’ t want to be the one at fault if I dropped the ball and the play didn’ t succeed. I did not want the responsibility of helping the team because I was too afraid of making a mistake. That aspect of my character led the first years of my high school life. I refrained from asking questions in class, afraid they might be considered too stupid or dumb by my classmates. All the while, I went to practice and everyday, I went home physically and mentally exhausted.

Yet my apprehension prevailed as I continued to fear getting put in the game in case another player was injured. I was still afraid of making mistakes and getting blamed by screaming coaches and angry teammates. Sometimes these fears came true. During my sophomore season, my position at backup guard led me to play in the varsity games on many occasions. On such occasions, I often made mistakes. Most of the time the mistakes were not significant; they rarely changed the outcome of a play. Yet I received a thorough verbal lashing at practice for the mistakes I had made. These occurrences only compounded my fears of playing. However, I did not always make mistakes. Sometimes I made great plays, for which I was congratulated. Now, as I dawn on my senior year of football and am faced with two starting positions, I feel like a changed person.

Over the years, playing football has taught me what it takes to succeed. From months of tough practices, I have gained a hard work ethic. From my coaches and fellow teammates, I have learned to work well with others in a group, as it is necessary to cooperate with teammates on the playing field. But most important, I have also gained self-confidence. If I fail, it doesn’ t matter if they mock or ridicule me; I’ ll just try again and do it better. I realize that it is necessary to risk failure in order to gain success. The coaches have always said before games that nothing is impossible; I know that now. Now, I welcome the challenge. Whether I succeed or fail is irrelevant; it is only important that I have tried and tested myself.

** ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE COMMENTS **

The topic of this essay is how the applicant has matured and changed since his freshman year. He focuses on football. One of the strengths of this essay is that it is well organized. The applicant clearly put time into the structure and planning of this essay. He uses the platform of football to discuss and demonstrate his personal growth and development through the high school years. What he could have done better was spend more time describing himself after he made improvements. As it is, he only tells us about his newfound confidence and drive. This essay would have been stronger had he actually shown us, perhaps by including a story or describing an event where his confidence made a difference.

University of Pennsylvania:

Prompt: Write page 217 of your 300-page autobiography.
and that ended the most terrifying experience of my life.
Surprisingly by age 50, my lucrative business lost its thrill, and I felt like it was time to move on and experience more of what life had to offer. I had enough of the problems and headaches of mainstream life and decided to sell my business to my husband. With a couple million dollars as pocket-money and a picture of my family, I moved to Jamaica where stress is low and "hakuna matata" is the national motto. I wanted to start my new life fresh. I found a perfect, cozy beach house that overlooked the white sand beach and the clear blue ocean. It served as a beautiful sight to collect my thoughts as the waves methodically crashed to shore. While I was overlooking the sea and watching the red-gold sun disappear into the horizon, I realized how truly happy I was. Once again I felt the thrill of new beginnings and the excitement of things to come.
My husband, on the other had, was still heavily involved in the business and insisted on building a pool house with a basement that served as his office. This mock office, fully-equipped with the latest communication technology, enabled him to spend more time with his family, which was our agreement and our compromise. A night-owl and workaholic, my husband frequently worked from dusk until dawn.
My two children, now 20 and 18, are in college having the time of their lives. My son decided to transfer to Oxford while my daughter decided to attend my alma mater. With my children away at school, my husband and I planned a year's vacation around the world. Although he insisted on bringing his mini-fax machine, his pocket computer, and his video-phone on the trip, he promised business would not get in the way, and he kept his promise.
Our first stop-New York. I wanted to marvel in the Statue of Liberty's third renovation and catch the revival of the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber on Broadway. We spent seven glorious days in the Big Apple and reveled in all the urban experiences that we could cram in.
Next stop was Argentina, where we stayed with a family friend in Buenos Aries. The great abundance of food and its high quality leather are two things that stand out in my mind when I look back on our trip. We ate so much food I thought we would be accused of the sin of gluttony, but our only excuse was the fact that our friend served three appetizers, two salads, four main courses, and two desserts with every meal. As for Argentine leather, I must say its the finest crafted leather we had ever seen. My husband bought so much leather in the form of cowboy boots, pants, and jackets, he look like an over-aged vaquero ready to work on a ranch. As for me, I was glad I got the opportunity to practice my rusty Spanish while bargaining with the leather store owner. We enjoyed Argentina so much that we extended our stay to see the rest of the country, but after a couple weeks of touring, we had to say goodbye to our friend and catch a plane to our next destination, Madagascar with a stop over in Tanzania, Africa.
On our way to Madagascar, we encountered a major problem in
 
***COMMENTS ***
This writer took an unusual approach when answering this question by writing about her future. Most students see this question as asking about an incident in their past. This applicant, though, approached it creatively by writing a fun, light-hearted piece about her wildest hopes and dreams. The image of her living it up in the sun at her private pool or traveling the world while her husband slaves away in the basement office or drags along his fax and laptop (to run the business that she sold him) is quite funny and definitely reflects on her spark and wit. This was a good essay that deserved to be accepted.


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